Different. I’ve always been that way. The very sperm holding my DNA was a peculiar one.
My mom’s entire pregnancy with me was challenging.
Physically, I was completely different from my brothers. All of them with their blonde hair, thin bodies and beautiful bright blue eyes.
My sister whom I resembled was also thin, long ass beautiful hair and perfect straight white teeth.
Then there was me, haha
Different…
I was “the pretty face” sister.
Excitement from relatives that hadn’t seen us in awhile would always turn to a worried, somber face when their eyes locked with mine. Their heads would tilt and lower, along with the tone in their voices…”Awe Tommie-Girl, you have such a pretty face.”
I was treated different only because my mom had such trouble with me in her womb, she was incredibly protective. I was the baby. I was my parents (Tom and Wanda) only child together. We were a blended family and I was the result as if Mike and Carole Brady would of had a seventh child on The Brady Bunch.
At the expense of making this blog as long as the world is round I’ll hop ahead.
I made a Facebook status the other day. a dear friend commented that I was an open book and anyone wanting to get to know me could do so by reading, but It’s been awhile. Now granted, anyone whose known me for more than three seconds already knows I wear my heart and all five million emotions on my sleeve. That has NOT changed, hahaha But a lot has. I’ve grown so much since this crazy do-over chapter in my life started five years ago. At one time I was rooted in tradition and fairy tales, where now I stand grounded in experience and realism.  I still love Jesus with all that I am. I still believe, read my bible, study, pray…But the concept of a building with four walls, being a must to sport my “Jesus Card” has gone. I study and read to see how I, Cheryl can be more Christ like by following who He was as a human being when he slid that tunic on and washed the feet of Judas, rather than anything else. Go ahead and read that again;)
I no longer feel gays are on a one way street to Hell, fire and brimstone and I doubt very seriously God gives two shits if me or any other believer bakes a cake for anyone remotely resembling Elton John to Rue Paul.
BE AN EXAMPLE.
Don’t read into what I just wrote either. I’m not the poster child for the gay affirming movement, I’ll leave that to my buddy Jay Bakker. (my REAL soul mate;) I’m just trying to show how we can evolve, grow as people by learning from each other, being okay with our differences and still be the same Individual person that make each of us, us! I heard the most kick ass analogy. “Twenty years ago the twenty dollar bill looked very different. Over the years it has changed, gone through numerous changes as a matter of fact. But it’s STILL a hundred.” 😉
Ya dig?
 You may read my blogs and they’ll seem different than before. A bit more open, harsh, hard for some to read because my views and opinions may be different from when you remembered me.
I feel like I’m losing my mind. There is so much going on with me and some days I’m falling to pieces. I have to blog. That’s my release. But I can’t stay in that bubble I grew up in. I’m so thankful for my life, my Parents… but I’m also my own person. I have always blogged the same way I speak, without thinking. I can’t keep up with that if I’m worried about what I say offending any of my “Jesus friends.” No more censoring myself out of respect. I feel at 45 years old, I’ve earned you to read my blog that way, for me. Can I say that?
I don’t know what I’m doing half the time. I have nothing about me together, I’m just figuring it out step by step and trying to find out who the fuck Cheryl even is.

I’m still a hopeless romantic although I think the happily ever after has finally been laid to rest. May that bitch rest in damn peace too, haha I’ve been in love three times in my entire life. If you asked me three years ago how I would feel about any of those situations today, I would have a lot of regret. But that too has changed. Anger is an overrated emotion that wastes energy.
The last time I was in love it wasn’t mutual at all, (Brace yourselves Christians) just a fuckship I fell into feelings with. But damn, he was THE shit. I still love that man and honestly, I probably will for a very, very long time.
I’m so pissed the Universe had two people with the shittiest luck, find one another and not have one return those feelings. What kind of bullshit is that? I didn’t even know energy and love could do that. Not when it was felt so deep…I feel like I was hit in the back of the head with a board.
 I left his life kicking and screaming too. Not my finest moment. I’m learning to let it be. It’s so hard because another change, I no longer fight to keep anything or anyone. I don’t have the energy for that anymore. Although this guy would be sooo worth the fight, haha But I have to let him go, without anger…  Only because it wasn’t his fault. I wasn’t his person. It happens. And even though it FUCKING KILLS ME, I couldn’t stay his friend. Watching him fall in love with someone other than me? Ugh…I wanna stab myself in the fucking eye ball thinking about it.
But evolved Cheryl has had an epiphany.
Three very different men.
Lifestyles, belief, hobbies, so many differences because not only am I a different type of human, I LOVE DIFFERENT too. 🙂
I am so broken over this last guy. But no regrets, none at all. New Cheryl, changing Cheryl. Everything is a lesson. Always walk away from every situation knowing how to better YOURSELF. I refuse to be bitter. I honestly think love isn’t for me. But it’s my nature to hope. So in discovering new ways to think, learn…grow. I realized my heart will continue to remain open.
My three life lessons in love💘
Three loves. Three lessons. Each one just as valuable.
The love I had for the first man taught me without a doubt, LOVE IS ETERNAL.
My ex husband, love just won’t always be enough.
This last man…the most important lesson of all. That no matter what, even when not returned, love is always, always worth it.
All I can do is keep going man. Day by day. No matter what. I will never have all of the answers. And right now everything seems to be crashing and burning around me. But honestly, I’m feeling more stronger spiritually and physically every single day. God is still good man. Pastor Matt said at one time I was like Ruth, grabbing the favor, one step at a time…Same steps man. One at a time. Only thing now is, I’m outta the boat and my focus is forward;)

Selah~
CHERyL