April 5th 2013 as most of you who know me knows, was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
The date my marriage was officially over.
No more till death do you part or in sickness and health.
Done.
It’s been four years. One hell of a ride so far. I’ve lost, rebuilt, lost again, rebuilt…Some of you know that cycle I’m sure. The important thing is to always remember where you once came from. I can sit and ponder all day long on how many times I’ve had to cash in a “DO-OVER!” (in my best Billy Crystal voice from City Slickers) with life but I can’t. Because it’s the time I DON’T no longer do that that will then actually matter. You see?
My nature is to keep going. Keep moving at all cost because once you stop, that’s it man. Not just for you either, but for your children, their children and the legacy left behind once you pass. THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME. My mom and dad were such amazing loving human beings. Life fucked every person they never got to come in contact with. However, that’s where I come in. The beautiful things that REALLY mattered, my parents made sure I knew with 100% clarity of what they actually were.
Allow me to explain.
Figuring out how to apply those and differ what they actually are to ME on a personal level was my job. Knowing the characteristics of those things were taught to me. As they are to all of us. How we’re raised, where we’re raised. Our cultures, our religion… ALL factors, in determining how we view our lives, where we’re going or desiring to get too.
I never looked at it like that before.
In that perspective.
My mom and dad loved the Lord. But they also loved people.
It was a very important thing my dad taught me.
You always be fair. Respect people right where they’re at.
An important characteristic of a beautiful thing, that REALLY mattered. This is a hard blog to write. Just as terrifying to face April 5th 2013 It’s hard to admit you missed an important factor of how this all works.
I am a Believer. Jesus will always be my only friend. No conditions, no questions. The relationship I have with God is mine, and nobody else’s. And sometimes relationships need kept private so that you can grow in silence because of the judgement passed on YOUR relationship by other people on the outside. (I’ll leave THAT, right there).
I have one friend who keeps it absolutely one hundred with our friendship. One of his things is I never separate my faith from ANYTHING.  “Impossible,” instinctively my response.
I’m constantly evolving in who I am. Those beautiful things in seeing people right where they’re at never involved my dad’s faith in Jesus Christ. That was way before my dad and mom found Jesus.
I missed that.
Perhaps as Believers we get so focused on people believing a certain way we forget our human nature should be to just love people right where they’re at.
I’ve been so bummed lately. The kids and I almost lost our home, AGAIN. A lot of things have been happening and this crazy ass journey is about to transition into the next chapter. Not many people knew what was going on. I chose to keep it private.
You can be the best person in the world man, but you fuck up enough, the view in how others choose to look at you will begin to change. It’s a harsh reality. But that’s where those beautiful thing’s come in.
I can’t be mad.
I am constantly moving. In my mind, weight, career, friendships, life in general. I fuck up though. A lot. My good decisions somehow end up few and far between and only a select FEW understand it’s not because i’m a loser, haha
Only a select few that’s even FEWER understand i’m STILL moving regardless.
I fuck up? I get over it and cash in a “DO -OVER!”
The sad part is, the few I thought understood THAT me, THAT Cheryl…didn’t, lol
But that’s okay. I ain’t mad…lol Because I remember the clarity of that beautiful list my dad taught me, and that a really good friend reminded me of…The importance of understanding, that by separating your faith from certain things doesn’t mean you are this awful person who gets a big fat F MINUS in “How To Be The BEST Christian.” It simply means you get it. You GET that no matter WHAT, the HUMAN QUALITY of a DECENT human being, truly knows HOW to love people. Regardless if you think by loving them is because of your faith, see if you can continue to love them, even if they don’t agree with why you actually do, lol That’s where the separating comes in play as a good thing 😉
Now…ACCEPTING that KIND of love is a whole other blog, LMFAO But my point is this. LOOK for those people.
Don’t abandon your Tribe, because they are the ones who are rare.
You may vibe with a variety and shit load of diversity. But your Tribe will GET that sense of loving with a fair understanding of the fuck up’s, the struggles, the differences in who we are because of where we came from, by who, ect,.. and they will accept you with
no conditions,
no boundaries
and rejection is an unknown term.
As a Christian, I know I won’t always find those people in church. (Again, MY PERSONAL thing. If you’re a rich successful business person, you won’t always find your tribe at a round table of other CEO’s, ya dig?)
Those people will love you EXACTLY where you are.
Those people will love you, even if it means watching you love someone else.
Those people will cry with you when your kids are hungry.
Those people will pay your rent when you’re getting evicted without asking how it happened.
Those people will sit out on the porch with you at 2am, roll a blunt and listen to your struggle without ANY judgement.
Those people will forever remind you of those beautiful things that were instilled into your soul as a child way before you found faith, failure, and shame.
Those people…
Love them,
tell them, every day man.
Let them know exactly what’s on your mind even if it makes it uncomfortable.
Don’t let them move on into the next chapter of their journey without loving them the best way they could be loved.
Those people need to see some of us STILL get it.
Those people need to be occasionally reminded that loving people with no boundaries is still okay.
Show them, remind yourself.
Don’t miss the beautiful things life rarely offers by forgetting to separate pride and arrogance by needing validity for your OWN personal matters. It’s okay to love people if they’ll never love you back (holy shit did I just say that?). But it is NOT okay to love that person without ever showing them what loving you could be. Don’t do that. Separating fear  from the norm by where you came from…take that leap and love.
Who knows?
Same goes with friendships, careers, every part of your life.
Remember this world is full of diverse, amazing, human beings. Don’t shut yourself off from ANY of them because they may live different, believe different, see and view political opinions different. They may be fat, skinny, tall, black, yellow, white, male, female…a child…a 120 year old transgender or come from a small village waaay on the other side from your traditions and normalcy I don’t know! But regardless, love them. Even if it’s uncomfortable because they may love differently…. those people.

SELAH,
Cheryl…~