Gesuschic

As I slide into dating after divorce in my 40’s I’m pretty sure my reaction can be summed up with not so much of a question per say, but a shocked reaction of “What in THE fuck has happened?”
18 YEARS man..
I’ve birthed a generation. I have two, nearly three grown, GROWN ADULT CHILDREN, a Grand-baby on the way. C’mon, I’ve battled and conquered homelessness, loss, divorce. There have been changes in power, authority, protest, women’s marches…a brand new era has began. Yet here we all are right smack in the mother fucking 21st Century and people (my own case, men) are STILL viewing “potential” life partners by what they look like on the outside regardless of the inside maintenance (Can I say that?).
Seriously, you have GOT to be kidding me man. Didn’t OUR Mothers burn their bra’s over shit like this? Yet again, here I go sliding belly fat first into the ever so woozy dating world after divorce. How exciting for me, yay! Don’t get me wrong. I love’s me some men, haha That will never change.
But I have.
Thus my story really begins….
I never thought I’d be battling the challenge at 45, in balancing the emotions of rejection and boujee. (Although I have a one up, because I was boujee before this generation made it a word 😉 )
Why are we still asking if we’re good enough? Allow me to raise my left brow and with my best Matthew McConaughey voice say…”LADIES, LADIES, LAAADIES…..NO.”
It should no longer be a question from anyone weather they’re VALUED or worthy, yet a loud and confident statement of fact that “you’re the shit.”
The reason behind that question is no longer relevant to me as an individual. It shouldn’t be for you either! Only because it’s a mirror of the person in judgement in how they see themselves. And THAT my sweet, beautiful Ladies is NOT our issue. Not our problem! Period. Some people aren’t ever going to be ready for you.
That’s okay.
If anyone other that YOU has a “problem” with your teeth, your hair, your weight, your color, your style…anything making you YOU. Those are all that person’s problem, not yours. You do you. And never apologize for it.
I can’t understand how preference in character, personality, charm and bad ass loyalty all get set aside for the sake of having a prettier outer package? It’s ridiculous and sad that someone’s preferred “preference” (which they have every right to have!) can be a toxic personality trait to someone who may have issues in questioning their self worth or value. “Leave that shit at “Hello” and move on.”
In that person’s eyes you’ll always be compared. It’ll be bullshit. NOBODY deserves that.
Do what you need to do. Re-Read your own blogs 😉 Remember where you came from and shake it off. I know it gets lonely out there my single mamma’s, but ya gotta stay true to the path you’re on.
I decided a very long time ago I’m going to be Gesuschic (Jesus/ChicK) regardless if you approve of me or not. But I have to say how sad it is in an age where we’ve protested the right to love, respect and defend anyone who’s different, some people are still looking at others not being good enough by the opinion of another…IRONY. In a world full of broken and damaged people who crave genuineness , yet relinquish their right to it for the sake of acceptance. Remember what I said earlier Mama’s? Balance.
Rejection isn’t always a BAD thing darling…(can I say that?). You can be as open as your heart will handle. But under no circumstance EVER, allow someone’s “preference” begin to make you question your own value.
You’re better.
You are not that person.
Balance those relationships. Even if you’re just “dating” “friends” “friends with benefits..” You need to come to a point where certain vibes may groove just fine, but not all personalities go together. It’s that tragic circle of cruel irony life loves to toss around like a cement block, to the face, unexpectedly…every…single…time…Not everyone is going to be where you are. Make that settle in your belly and keep it going sunshine. I can’t express it enough. Don’t feel guilty, this IS about you, walk away in peace…
By the end of my marriage I was ready to end my entire life.
I was that desperate.
That empty.
I got that way because I allowed someone to openly compare me to others beauty and successes ALL of the time and bashed it into my head that I couldn’t, nor would I ever be good enough. I know I’m 45 and perhaps my shit should be a bit more together, but hey, it happens. I still don’t know which fork to use at a fancy restaurant, women my age are the wives of Presidents, I may not be a size 4 but I am a size sexy, I know my value because I, not anyone else, I measure it by who the fuck I was YESTERDAY and that has NOTHING to do with anyone’s preferred opinion of beauty. Never apologize for that. This is a new era. so MUCH diversity, So many wonderful things we can find in others and preference is no longer an issue. So WHY are YOU still allowing someone to make you feel as though it is?
Ya dig?
Confidence is harder to rebuild than credit!!!! (Can I say that?) It’s life AFTER divorce, those red flags are now flat out WARNINGS, pay attention to them, haha
Ladies, we no longer need to fear being over-looked because of preference. Be who you are. ATTRACT YOUR TRIBE, don’t fuck with anyone not at the level of YOUR self esteem. Read that last line again 😉
Don’t allow anyone’s preference explain away your self worth by comparison.
Remember, it all starts right there.
make peace, move on.
MY preference is to be with people who see value in that inside maintenance of others. I could give a shit if you’re red, black, yellow, white, religion, gender, whatever…I’m attracted to anyone who dares to show me their groove. But the second i’m being compared to something because I don’t reach someone else’s level of “standard?”  No way, I’m out regardless. I don’t want that. Not in anything. My relationships with friends, my co-workers, my children, my lovers, my friends and lovers, lol I don’t want any one of them to EVER feel that way. As though they will never be because….so why would I put myself in a friendship like that?
Falling on your sword is a noble, very noble way to live. But never lessen your own value and take standing there being gutted.
Boujee….Remember?
You are THE shit.
I am THE shit.
Confidence IS the new sexy.
Size sexy.
Real men will get that vibe. Never waste time in anything you don’t want, or anything that doesn’t want YOU. (read that again too;) )
Crawling from an 18yr illusion where the last 7yrs nearly killed me. I crawled from that empty inferno of hell and believe me when I say I KNOW, I…AM…GOOD…ENOUGH.
have you made it through a tough day? Week? A few months?
The relationship you survived, was it a heavy blow to you? Your heart? Be very careful treading that ocean of new life. That comfort in familiarity can pull you under and sweep you away so fast.
Catch yourself, take a breath, forget it, and move on. Stay focused ladies.
I have so many goals I want to accomplish. My list of written goals from small to HUGE. I’m a dreamer, yes at 45 and although I would love to meet someone. Vibe with their groove and see where it could possibly go, I am in no way ready to chance how far I’ve come in my confidence, my self worth, my value. Again, that confidence is harder to rebuild than credit.
Unfortunately, you have to be raw, ready and naked to realize that.  But once you do, once you remember what you bring to the table, you really won’t mind eating alone. But only sometimes 😉
Starting over is never easy. I’m taking my time, trying new things. However, this weird life of dating, friendships, I’m learning it’s okay to walk away. It’s a very fine line between having patience and wasting time.
This life after divorce is one I never anticipated but what is even greater, finding myself. Realizing what I deserve and being okay if something doesn’t work out. Being able to walk away from a situation and STILL knowing I’m the shit, haha
Accomplishment, no mental girl breakdown if the boy doesn’t circle YES, I LIKE YOU TOO.
No worries….
Does it suck ass? Well of course, rejection is definitely equivalent to bong water. But it wasn’t for me. Some people just don’t deserve your bad assery, period.
But Ladies…it’s a new era…our love is rare because we love so hard. Guard that shit with all you are.
Don’t get bitter just stay focused, stay pretty, stay boujee;)
It’s all love. Let it go and keep it moving.

CHERyL~

April 5th 2013 as most of you who know me knows, was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.
The date my marriage was officially over.
No more till death do you part or in sickness and health.
Done.
It’s been four years. One hell of a ride so far. I’ve lost, rebuilt, lost again, rebuilt…Some of you know that cycle I’m sure. The important thing is to always remember where you once came from. I can sit and ponder all day long on how many times I’ve had to cash in a “DO-OVER!” (in my best Billy Crystal voice from City Slickers) with life but I can’t. Because it’s the time I DON’T no longer do that that will then actually matter. You see?
My nature is to keep going. Keep moving at all cost because once you stop, that’s it man. Not just for you either, but for your children, their children and the legacy left behind once you pass. THAT IS IMPORTANT TO ME. My mom and dad were such amazing loving human beings. Life fucked every person they never got to come in contact with. However, that’s where I come in. The beautiful things that REALLY mattered, my parents made sure I knew with 100% clarity of what they actually were.
Allow me to explain.
Figuring out how to apply those and differ what they actually are to ME on a personal level was my job. Knowing the characteristics of those things were taught to me. As they are to all of us. How we’re raised, where we’re raised. Our cultures, our religion… ALL factors, in determining how we view our lives, where we’re going or desiring to get too.
I never looked at it like that before.
In that perspective.
My mom and dad loved the Lord. But they also loved people.
It was a very important thing my dad taught me.
You always be fair. Respect people right where they’re at.
An important characteristic of a beautiful thing, that REALLY mattered. This is a hard blog to write. Just as terrifying to face April 5th 2013 It’s hard to admit you missed an important factor of how this all works.
I am a Believer. Jesus will always be my only friend. No conditions, no questions. The relationship I have with God is mine, and nobody else’s. And sometimes relationships need kept private so that you can grow in silence because of the judgement passed on YOUR relationship by other people on the outside. (I’ll leave THAT, right there).
I have one friend who keeps it absolutely one hundred with our friendship. One of his things is I never separate my faith from ANYTHING.  “Impossible,” instinctively my response.
I’m constantly evolving in who I am. Those beautiful things in seeing people right where they’re at never involved my dad’s faith in Jesus Christ. That was way before my dad and mom found Jesus.
I missed that.
Perhaps as Believers we get so focused on people believing a certain way we forget our human nature should be to just love people right where they’re at.
I’ve been so bummed lately. The kids and I almost lost our home, AGAIN. A lot of things have been happening and this crazy ass journey is about to transition into the next chapter. Not many people knew what was going on. I chose to keep it private.
You can be the best person in the world man, but you fuck up enough, the view in how others choose to look at you will begin to change. It’s a harsh reality. But that’s where those beautiful thing’s come in.
I can’t be mad.
I am constantly moving. In my mind, weight, career, friendships, life in general. I fuck up though. A lot. My good decisions somehow end up few and far between and only a select FEW understand it’s not because i’m a loser, haha
Only a select few that’s even FEWER understand i’m STILL moving regardless.
I fuck up? I get over it and cash in a “DO -OVER!”
The sad part is, the few I thought understood THAT me, THAT Cheryl…didn’t, lol
But that’s okay. I ain’t mad…lol Because I remember the clarity of that beautiful list my dad taught me, and that a really good friend reminded me of…The importance of understanding, that by separating your faith from certain things doesn’t mean you are this awful person who gets a big fat F MINUS in “How To Be The BEST Christian.” It simply means you get it. You GET that no matter WHAT, the HUMAN QUALITY of a DECENT human being, truly knows HOW to love people. Regardless if you think by loving them is because of your faith, see if you can continue to love them, even if they don’t agree with why you actually do, lol That’s where the separating comes in play as a good thing 😉
Now…ACCEPTING that KIND of love is a whole other blog, LMFAO But my point is this. LOOK for those people.
Don’t abandon your Tribe, because they are the ones who are rare.
You may vibe with a variety and shit load of diversity. But your Tribe will GET that sense of loving with a fair understanding of the fuck up’s, the struggles, the differences in who we are because of where we came from, by who, ect,.. and they will accept you with
no conditions,
no boundaries
and rejection is an unknown term.
As a Christian, I know I won’t always find those people in church. (Again, MY PERSONAL thing. If you’re a rich successful business person, you won’t always find your tribe at a round table of other CEO’s, ya dig?)
Those people will love you EXACTLY where you are.
Those people will love you, even if it means watching you love someone else.
Those people will cry with you when your kids are hungry.
Those people will pay your rent when you’re getting evicted without asking how it happened.
Those people will sit out on the porch with you at 2am, roll a blunt and listen to your struggle without ANY judgement.
Those people will forever remind you of those beautiful things that were instilled into your soul as a child way before you found faith, failure, and shame.
Those people…
Love them,
tell them, every day man.
Let them know exactly what’s on your mind even if it makes it uncomfortable.
Don’t let them move on into the next chapter of their journey without loving them the best way they could be loved.
Those people need to see some of us STILL get it.
Those people need to be occasionally reminded that loving people with no boundaries is still okay.
Show them, remind yourself.
Don’t miss the beautiful things life rarely offers by forgetting to separate pride and arrogance by needing validity for your OWN personal matters. It’s okay to love people if they’ll never love you back (holy shit did I just say that?). But it is NOT okay to love that person without ever showing them what loving you could be. Don’t do that. Separating fear  from the norm by where you came from…take that leap and love.
Who knows?
Same goes with friendships, careers, every part of your life.
Remember this world is full of diverse, amazing, human beings. Don’t shut yourself off from ANY of them because they may live different, believe different, see and view political opinions different. They may be fat, skinny, tall, black, yellow, white, male, female…a child…a 120 year old transgender or come from a small village waaay on the other side from your traditions and normalcy I don’t know! But regardless, love them. Even if it’s uncomfortable because they may love differently…. those people.

SELAH,
Cheryl…~