My Dearest Charlie,
I am absolutely astonished by the fact you are 17 years old today. My first-born son.
Charlie~Butt, there are so many things I want to say to you. And we could combine both of our lifetimes and I would still, never have enough time to say any of them. Out of all my children, you are the one who is most like me. No…I take that back. You are JUST like me. It’s funny when I hear Steven’s mom and Grandma talk about how quiet you are, lol Because the first three years of your life you NEVER spoke. The doctors were “concerned” I was worried…Everyone except for my dad, your Grandpa. He would smile and say: “Tommie-Girl, don’t worry. Charlie has plenty to say, he just chooses not too.”
And that is still you to this day.
You’re an observer.
A watcher.
You notice everything and keep a mental note on it.
My sweet baby boy…Your heart is so big it could pound right out of your chest. You get so angry because you have an overload of passion that is rare. A passion for loyalty, family, friendships…you hold those things dear that’s why you get so upset when people bounce. You take people at their word and when they fail you can’t understand because you aren’t like that.
You have an old school genuineness that can’t be created, it can’t be taught.
It’s so rare, those who have it only obtain it by being born with it. Your grandma was that way, I’m that way, your Uncles Randy and Kenneth (whom you were named after) were that way.
You look for people who touch your soul and you don’t even realize it.
People who are lost, lonely, and broken…
You identify with that because in a way you’re all of those things and you know how empty it feels.
Your friends tell a story all about who you are Charlie.
I see pieces of you in each and every one of them.
Baby Mike, Selena, Steven, Mouse, Mira, Trevon, Caleb (from Worthington), Cameron, Grub, Brock, Ronnie…I could go on and on. I think that’s why I’m so in love with all of them, just like you are.
When you were little I had you go to “Jesus Camp” one weekend every summer. The first year you were there I picked you up, we stopped at McDonald’s and I asked you what all you learned that weekend. You looked at me, you said “Mommy, I learned how much I love you.” I laughed and said “really? How was that?” And you took a deep breath…swallowed…and your voice was shaking as you began to speak.
“Mommy, there was a night we all talked about things we needed prayer for. A boy in my group said he needed prayer because he missed his mom.
Mommy…she died.”
You bowed your head and your shoulders were shaking. My heart sunk. I grabbed your little hand and said “go on baby…” You looked up at me, tears streaming down your face and you said: “Mommy, he cried. And I thought about not ever having you in my life and mommy…it just really broke my heart I couldn’t help him. Mommy, it broke my heart.” (you placed your hand over your chest, looking me right in the eye)
Oh my sweet boy…You were 7 years old.
Not even wet behind the ears grown, yet a heart full of GENUINE compassion for a boy you didn’t even know. And Charlie, PLEASE BELIEVE ME when I say to this very day I KNOW that…is STILL who YOU are.
A rare glimpse of hope to a lost and lonely broken world.
Don’t allow the coldness of the world destroy that beautiful rare warm heart you have Charlie. Please baby…My l’il man, my special guy, the man of our house. I know so many things flood your head and at times you get so overwhelmed and probably feel like you’re going crazy. But you’re not Charlie. You see the world so differently than the average human being and trust me, that’s a gift from God baby.
Rich Fout used to look at you. I’d catch him and say “why you looking at my kid man…lol” Rich would do that half crooked smile and say “Cheryl…you gotta great boy there. He’s gonna be a world shaker one day.”
And Charlie you already are! Everywhere we go in this crazy gypsy life you have people drawn to you. Your spirit…your soul…from Pastors to drug dealers…LOL…Everyone genuinely loves you. Do you know how amazing that is? People from all walks of life whether they’re an adult, a kid, a teenager, elderly… They have a “Charlie story” and ANYONE can relate to you because you are you and nobody else. 
I am so fucking proud of you Charlie.
There is not one damn negative thing someone could ever say about you to me because I KNOW the real YOU. You love without limits. You hold truth as a must, and value ANY person you call friend, as family.
My heart is full of so much pride at the MAN you’ve become and the man you are yet to one day be. Charlie, when I found out I was pregnant for a second time, and still not married I thought “omg…I failed as a mother already.” I felt like such a stupid whore, lol On the real…lol But something changed in me when I felt you move for the first time in my belly. I would sing to you all of the time, talk to you…I had lost my way a bit, found myself lonely and broken. (sound familiar…) Then all of a sudden, you brought me back to life Charlie~Butt. You breathed new life into my dry bones and withered soul and when I had you that crazy chaotic morning seventeen years ago today…Holding you and looking at your tiny little face made me forget what it was like to feel empty. Before you took your very first breath you were already changing the world, my world.
You saved my life Charlie.
You reminded me to love hard and to laugh easy 😉
I don’t wanna say the typical “Happy Birthday” because as usual our family and tough times are tangled together, lol But I will say this my sweet beautiful boy…Have a happy life. Because when you started speaking at three years old, the first and only thing people noticed about you was your HUGE smile and easy laugh. So take that and apply it to the rest of your days. No matter who you’re with, where you are, just be happy. Keep loving the broken. Don’t ever try to be anybody else but you, and know this one thing…I could never be more proud and more in love with you. Oh, and thank you, for being that mirror of joy I needed to see in order to come alive again. Today in Heaven, the men you were named after, your grandpa and Rich Fout are standing proud. Pointing out to all who can see…”That’s Charlie, he’s a world changer.”

All My Love Forever,
Mom