So here I am. 41 years old, sharing a bedroom with my oldest daughter in the home of my best friend from childhood and her husband. My boys are across the hall and my youngest daughter down the hall. I tried, no…no. I did…my best. But it wasn’t enough.
The story of my life right?
Every single chapter keeps ending the same way for me. I pour all that I am into all that I have and circumstances beyond my control slam into my life and POOF.
It’s all gone.
Everything I worked for.
Starting over and over again is getting to be a challenge. However, I won’t let it break me. One day eventually it will all pay off. If I stop believing that then I lose all hope and then I’ll really be in trouble.
I try to teach my kids that no matter what, stay true to you. Don’t ever allow the actions of another determine who you’re going to be. The one thought that goes through my head day-to-day is the fact God has the big picture of my life. I may never see it, but I know there are things going on that would probably blow my freakin’ mind in the spiritual…I can’t stop moving. If Ruth packed up and went back to her family Boaz never would have found her.
Rahab was Boaz momma, perhaps that’s why he had a heart for Ruth because of who his mom was. Did you know Ruth ended up being the great-grandmother of David, who is the lineage Of Jesus?
Rahab…when she helped the two spies sent by Joshua, no way could she have known that one day…one day she would be great-grandmother of the Savior of the world…or great-great grandma? But my point being, she was a well-known harlot who did the right thing that could have cost her life.
Bathsheba too, a great-grandmother of Jesus. I mean when you really dig into Jesus and His lineage… Tamara, Ruth, Rehab, BathSheba…Holy crap man, NONE of them were even Jewish!!!
Seriously, the family of Jesus beats even the cray of the crazy. The Hatfields and The McCoys. Just pondering on those facts alone how can I think that I’m not a part of something so much bigger than even I yet or may ever know?
I’ve lost everything. A few times, lol But just like Ruth, just like Rahab, just like every single riff~raff in the Bible I WILL keep going. Is it wrong to say or think “it may always be an up hill battle?” Perhaps to some. But when I look at the life of Jesus and all who followed Him their rewards were after death. Not that I’m waiting to die or anything, haha I’m just living…trying to focus on moving forward with one foot in front of the other looking for that favor, counting those blessings and anticipating that beautiful blessed hope that is to come.
It sucks to struggle. I will never understand why some do and some don’t but what I do know is that whatever cup I am given in this life keeps me at His feet…I will drink it.
Jesus is all I need.
If there is anything my children take away from me, it’s truly that.
Nothing but Jesus.
Starting over at 40? Big deal man. There is no real relevance in material things. No matter how nice they may be to have. The real relevance is in your life. How you lived it, how much you loved those around you, how you treated them and complete strangers and who you walked with 😉 Today is the oldest and youngest you will ever be, and tomorrow isn’t promised to no one. So live, laugh and walk with Him who matters most even if it means you may have to lose everything to keep you right there.

Selah….,
*Gesuschic