Years of going in circles while walking through a desert seems to be the theme my life generates over and over. At times I can actually feel myself spinning. Or am I standing still and it’s the world around me moving?
Not really sure…
I close my eyes and take in a breath and hold it until I feel a sense of relief, a moment of peace. Exhale Cheryl. It’s okay. I feel as though  I’m moving forward only to get pushed back and once again I find myself at His mercy. How many times can my spirit be broken? My heart races as my soul is emptied and there I am. Laying all that I am on an altar of sacrifice begging for redemption. To ashamed to lift my head and look to His face I curl in a fetal position waiting for His rebuke.
Silence.
Not even a whisper.
I long to be whole, complete. Made new by His love, His sacrifice. Disregarding my past, my secrets, my shame, my guilt…He calls me beloved. Gives me beauty for ashes and defines the very depths of my entire being.
I love Him.
I fear Him.
I stand in awe of His Omnipotence.
I feel so unworthy to have Him call me His, yet I am drawn into all that He illuminates.
The great I Am…
My prince, my love, My God. Truly the lover of my soul. Who holds the entire span of the universe in the palm of His hand yet harms me not, and handles me with such gentle and holy care.
By one word He created the world and one word destroy it.
He loves me.
He loves me…
To weak and ashamed to stand before Him He reaches and touches my face, lifts my eyes to Him and calls me Woman…Refining my self-worth, my dignity and reforming my roll as He see’s and not what man has made me believe.
Who is such a God, a Savior as this? To know I am nothing but broken pieces He could shatter, but does it not?
Barefoot, bruised and dirty…all by my own doing in choices and regret…Yet He still loves me. Pursues my heart to fall in love with Him as He has already done for me…even while I was yet in my mother’s womb.
What have I done to deserve Him?
I so adore His face.
My King…My Jesus…Take it all, everything I have. Drench me in grace that only you can give.
I have nothing more to offer than who I am.
A whore at Your feet.
I lay before you all that I am, all that I long and dream to be…please draw near to me and never, never let me go…

Selah,
Cheryl