I can’t believe the year is almost over. Last year at this time I was expecting so many different things. My life was planned out, a new place, fresh start, new job…It was finally happening and actually going in a good direction for once.  However, my life can never go as planned. Just as I am sure of the sky being blue someone will change the color scheme to grey.  A year ago I would have fallen apart.
But like I said my life never goes as planned…ever.
I haven’t fallen apart. I’m still here, breathing, living, one foot right in front of the other. I used to have this music box when I was a little girl. It was square, plastic. Inside was two hot pink butterfly’s with black tips and when you wound it up it played “Never Promised You A Rose Garden.” Little did I know then that would be the theme song to the story of my life 🙂 I go through these stages where I’m completely okay with the rose garden’s none existence. Sometimes I’m not. I get pissed off, angry and I tend to feel sorry for myself and start asking God these ridiculous questions of  “why does so and so get…”
The past few months I’ve had to dig deep. Deep into my heart and my soul. What truly DEFINES me? Is it having someone to love me as my Mother and Grandmother had for 30 plus years?
Is it being a mother?
My career?
Being a woman in general? What is it?
To be defined is simply knowing the true nature of something with one word…or a sentence. If you could be defined by word or one complete sentence what would it be to you?
You can’t ask other people. You never want the opinions of others define who YOU are. Of course you want respect of others around you so to have them see a glimpse of the definition of you is important but it’s not the be all end all because you could have a bad first impression, a falling out, a crappy moment where you lost it…those can develop into what people may THINK defines YOUR true nature but does it really?  Jesus was totally right on when He said  “Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them..” (Matthew 7:20KJV)
When my life looked as though it was crumbling into pieces I had a dear friend say to me “What can I do?” My immediate response is always “Mom Mode.” “Just pray for my kids…” My friend said “Cheryl…the best thing you can do for those babies is to simply show them Jesus in the worst time of your lives.”
I still weep like a baby when I think back on our conversation. Because that is the one thing I remember growing up. My mom always showing me Jesus.
When my mom was sick…smiles, prayers and laughter.
We lost our home…Smiles, prayers and laughter…
My brother dying…Smiles, prayers and laughter…
I was always shown the Jesus that made the journey to the cross so very desirable, through my mom’s unshaken faith in the best of times and the very worst of times. The fruit I so wish to share is that of love, humility, joy, laughter, peace and perseverance. The very thing I desire to define ME, CHERYL INGRAM is grace.
But not just any grace…God’s grace.
That even in the face of trials and cruel changes of the wind, be it unintentional or not…I need that to define me, I want that to define me.
It’s not an easy thing to conquer but even so, it CAN be conquered. To find that forgiveness, mercy and grace because with them in hand I can walk to the cross one step at a time and lay there all of my anger, my hurt, my brokenness and leave it for Jesus to cover it all so that my kids and even others can see what truly does define me. It’s easy to become bitter. Focusing on things that can NEVER be changed yet still make you as angry as if they had just happened, isn’t healthy. What consumes you, WILL control you and as a Believer in Jesus that can be dangerous. Bitterness to a Christian is like a Cancer. I can’t stop now…My kids NEED to see Jesus and I NEED to soak in that effortless grace to be able to show Him to them. I fail man…All of the time. But every new breath I breathe is another opportunity for a “Jesus do-over.” Life can never promise you a rose garden, however any ending whether by your choice or another,   lies a new direction for a fresh start in grace.

SELAH~
Cheryl