WRITTEN: January 2012

I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012 and how this is the year my husband and I are going to apply things to our lives that will improve the lives of our children, our marriage, our walks with God and anything else we think of along the way 🙂 
The past can be very hard for me to remember although I think of it more than I should. So many things I miss and long for that can never be again. Certain places, things, and MANY people who I feel made me who I am today. Of course my parents…friends…seasonal friends and even my bully’s. From High School to my adulthood, hahaha
Sometimes my worst enemy is Nostalgia. 
My mind finds it’s way into the back of my memory lane and nostalgia gets the best of me.
I argue with myself on weather or not to find certain people, not to make “amends” per say but I think to see if their hearts have changed, as mine has. If they’re different people with a different outlook. 
My husband says to me all the time: “Don’t do it Cheryl, you’re going to get hurt all over again.” I know deep down he’s right. I find it easy to take blame, apologize even…But as I get older I feel myself changing to otherwise. 
I want closure I suppose. 
Until now I thought that meant something completely different than what it actually is.
You don’t always need closure FROM that person or persons, sometimes you simply need closure FROM them. You see what I mean there? One sentence, but TWO meanings. People don’t always change. For the best or worst. You can’t control where someone from your past may be at today. However you can control where YOU are at today. 
I never make New Years Resolutions. Half way through the very first month of the year I’ve already forgotten that I even made one let alone remember what it was!
BUT…
With the goals and plans my husband and I have for 2012 I thought it only appropriate to make one this year:) 
I’ve decided to give resolution to the entire negative  parts of my past. The ones that I created and the ones others created for me 😉 Not amends necessarily but defiantly resolution (the act of resolving). 
I’m not saying who was to blame nor now do I even really care. I don’t care to even hear your side nor do they want to hear mine I’m sure. So therefore I need to just leave it. I don’t know where some of you may leave it but for me it’s at the cross. Right where Jesus left my blame for my sins and everyone else…
From now on everything that left such a negative outlook in my mind it stuck with me as if it had just happened…is DONE. The situation has been resolved. Thus me going forward to the start of not only MY year but the year of Angel and the kids. 
I am going to be who I am. 
I am joyful.
I am laughter.
I am forgiving.
I am forgiven.
I am well within my soul. 


Selah~
CHERyL