WRITTEN: Monday, April 11, 2011

I realize that by working third shift yet having to take my kids to school in the morning, there is a little span of time in the morning where I’m trying to fall back to sleep, that I have too much time to ponder.
Thinking to much can cause problems.
For me anyway.
Sometimes it would be better if I could just shut my eyes and immediately be asleep. However, never the case. 
Not in my world anyhow. 
It’s funny really how when I look back at when I was younger, I think of where I thought my life would be. 
There are only traces of the dreams I had for myself…
I find if I think about it to much it only gets me sad. 
When you are an “adult” with “adult” responsibility you don’t always have choices. There are those moments in life where you do what is right in general and not always what could be right for you. Does that make sense?
And before you even say it, I KNOW it’s NOT fair but we’ve all heard it. Life is not always fair. 
I agree the choices we make get us to a certain point in our life but sometimes, just sometimes fate plays a cruel hand that will never allow us a “do over” and there is the place your heart will be forced to adapt too forever…fair or not, you’re there. 
I think for some people it can be a sense of comfort, and security while for others it can be the loneliest place on earth.
My mom taught me a lot of things, but one most important lesson was that of sacrifice. 
I would ask her ever so often about certain situations and she would just say “Tommie-Girl, it’s the price you pay for sacrifice. that and the fact there is not always a choice to do it.” It wasn’t until now that I understand where she was coming from and what she meant. 
Yeah, life isn’t fair…and it’s funny that almost no one can really say they are where they expected to be, but ya know, you do what you have to.
You can’t always choose to be selfish.


Selah~