WRITTEN: November 13th 2011

I just feel so sad… I can’t help but to be so overwhelmed by grief. I know, I know, I write/blog/tweet about it all the time but around these months it’s that much worse for me. Last night was yet another reason this time of year sucks. Our friends, our neighbors left for South Carolina. My poor sweet boy, Charlie is just heartbroken. It took awhile to adjust after moving here. It seemed like a few years there our lives were so shaky. When we finally got moved in, settled and the kids started yet ANOTHER school Charlie had the rockiest of starts. He didn’t have many friends and just leaving our church he was picked on ect…It was rough for awhile there. But then he met Cameron. For the first time in a VERY long time Charlie had a best friend. A “brother from another mother.” Cameron’s family was Charlies family too. He loved them that much. Even Ryan, Cam’s dad who seemed so intimidating to Charlie, he loved him too. Cam’s l’il sister and brother were an added joy to Charlies life. He adored his sister…to the point he would always say: “Mom, when I grow up and get married I hope I have a Rilynne.” lol 
When he called from Youth Group last night I could tell there was something wrong. He wasn’t my normal Charlie. 
He was really sad.
“Mom, please come and get me…I don’t want to cry in front of everyone.” As a mom you want to do everything you can to protect your child from all of life’s unfair reality’s. One of them being…When a dear friend moves away. 
It’s one thing to lose them across town, church splits, ect but another State? 
When he got into the car he just lost it. My heart was in my throat as I struggled to not cry myself. I felt so bad for him and I still do. My sweet boy.
All day today he just wasn’t himself, very quiet and sad. I went on a walk with him and he said “Mom, usually at this time I’d be asking if I can run down to Cam’s…” as he put his head to the ground…sigh…
I KNOW we’ll be visiting Cameron and his family because they are amazing people and my son adores every single one of them, but for now he hurts. 
Any kind of a lose you have in death, a move, grown apart ect is really hard. Change like that is so sad and difficult. I’ve never been one to adapt well to change and sadly my children have had to learn how over and over for the past 5 yrs while their dad and I get our shit together.
It sucks man.
I feel as though I’ve failed as a mom in protecting my kids from the smallest to the biggest of heartbreaks and failures. 
I wish I could take all of Charlies pain so he wouldn’t ever have to feel lose of any kind ever again. 
Serenity too!
They both have lost friends…too many friends. 
95% of the time was all my fault. 
I just hope Cameron and his mom, Loria know how LOVED and missed they will be EVERYDAY. I swear to God if I had the money I would have packed up house and been right behind them on the freeway to that new start at the Ocean 😉 we’re about to move again…and Charlie will again start another school but there is no doubt in my mind he will never EVER meet anyone as genuine and true as Cameron Fuller. 
If you and your mom happen to ever read this please know I can never say enough THANK YOU’S for being Charlies friend when he had none. And being his family when he needed more…I LOVE you and adore you. 

ALWAYS,
CHERyL~