WRITTEN: August 30th 2011

It’s about that time.
Where the Season is almost over.
Soon the leaves will change, the wind will pick up and the nights will get a tad bit colder.
I absolutely love the Fall but it seems as though grief finds me more within the changing period.
It’s not just about my family. This time of year it’s always more.
I begin to dream about my past.
Lost friendships,
memories of places I’ve been,
love…broken and forgotten.
Empty promises from people who you thought would love you forever begin to creep in, take hold of your dreams, invade your sleep and all with a vengeance.
Almost as a killer in the night with the sharpest blade, slicing through every scar as it once again becomes an opened wound.
Sigh.
Sorrow seems to find me so much easier than it did before.
Maybe that’s the down side of becoming older, who knows?
However it sucks.
It’s hard to stay angry when your heart still aches…Everyone has a time in their life where the good actually out weighed the bad.
Sadly within that same time you were the most vulnerable. Everything that made you feel so alive could brake you all the same.
Like a lose-lose situation in a way. You want to love, but not experience loss.
You want to laugh but never feel the tears of sadness trickle down your face.
To breath every little thing of life in…yet scared to death to exhale in fear you might blink and it’s all gone.
“Life goes on…”
people tell you that all of the time but they never tell you HOW..How do you make your life “go on” in the midst of lonely…regret?
The should of,
could of,
and would of’s are what will kill you.
Haunt you…
If I had everything to do all over again I would most certainly tell my dad I loved him so much more than I did. Hug my mom a thousand more times a day…laughed more with my brothers and sister and told that one person how I truly felt but never did.
I wouldn’t miss ANY opportunity that came my way weather it have been in education, occupation, love or just plain ‘ole laughter!
All my regrets would have been overshadowed and out weighed by the joy I would have found in just LIVING.
If only…

Selah~
CHERyL